Cattle Call

So a friend was telling me about eating the sun. It involved some basic food chain data about how every level only gains 10% of the nutrients from the one below it. The gist was some hippie spiel about how we should eat plants because they get the energy directly from the sun.

This tied into something about animal cruelty and how we shouldn't rely on killing in order to sustain ourselves. That's all fine and good, but I've done the no-animal killing thing, and that just means a lot of carbohydrates, and that means a lot of diabetes.

But I decided to humour this friend, and in doing so found a way to save the animals (minus 1 species), salvage arid land, and best of all, bring peace and democracy to the Middle East.

At the centre of all this is cows. They aren't cute, and with the premise here being that we eliminate animal suffering, we aren't going to be using them for anything, so they gotta go. This is 100% cattle genocide I'm talking here.

Just a tad to the left of centre here is the Fertile Crescent. This once wonderfully lush area isn't looking so hot these days.

The solution to our cow and sun eating problem lies in renewing the fertile crescent. We do this by digging out massive tracts of land. I mean like multiple soccer fields in area. And lets say down about 30 feet or so. The we take all the millions of cows in the world and kill them. It can be done humanely, or with spiked-bats. The important part is that they are free from any future suffering.

From there, fill these massive holes in the desert with all of these carcasses. Really pack them in tight. Call in some pile drivers and smash them down. I want the densest pile of cow you can achieve before creating concerns of a possible event horizon forming.

Once its packed in nice and tight, we water the cows, and pile on some of the dirt that we pulled out and level it down. For good measure, we water it again, and get some good rot going on underneath. And with that, nature will do its thing. The cows will decompose, and all those nutrients that they were selfishly hording will be redistributed to the soil. A few years down the line, that soil is good as new, and some fresh farming can be done. Love and prosperity will flourish.

Now, I can imagine that the several hundred million Hindus of the world won't really be down for this. But you know what? I bet they won't be complaining when the have access to fresh apples and corn that don't have ridiculously high market costs because of where the have to be imported from.